Agree or disagree example essay (children and computer games).

Another essay comparison post, this time looking at a popular topic in the Education theme, the one about do children spend too much time on computer games. If you are familiar with the common themes and topics from your studies then you will undoubtedly have seen this one before. For this example, we will look at the To what extent version of this topic.

First then, let’s see a structure for this question type….

For this type of essay, I suggest using a typical four paragraph structure. Although the structure sentence by sentence may vary according to how the question is worded, this is the general structure we might use. Of course, it is possible to combine several of these elements in a single sentence, the exact wording is up to you, as long as you remember the keywords from the criteria, logical progression/sequencing, and develop/extend/support of your ideas.

Essay structure.

Paragraph 1: introduction

Sentence 1: paraphrase question/restate topic.

Sentence 2: Thesis/opinion statement.

Sentence 3: outline statement/main idea 1 (for paragraph 2), and main idea 2 (for paragraph 3).

Body paragraph 1.

Sentence 1: topic sentence (main idea 1).

Sentence 2: explain/expand on main idea 1.

Sentence 3: example (the more specific the better).

Sentence 4: option 1(concession sentence)/option 2 (reinforce/reiterate example/main idea).

Body paragraph 2.

Sentence 1: topic sentence (main idea 2).

Sentence 2: explain/expand on main idea 2.

Sentence 3: example (the more specific the better).

Sentence 4: option 1(concession sentence)/option 2 (reinforce/reiterate example/main idea).

Conclusion.

Sentence 1: summary (restate question/topic + main idea 1 and 2).

Sentence 2: suggestion/recommendation (depends on how the question is worded/if you can think of anything).

Now let’s see an example…

This is good in terms of structure, some minor grammar errors but the main thing here is really that some of the vocabulary is a little repetitive, not so much but a little bit. Also, the structure is somewhat repetitive in that the fourth sentence of the body paragraph repeats the main idea but in a simple way. This is not too bad but some variation in language would be better….this is the question below…

Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more traditional pastimes than spending all day indoors.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Example 1..

It has been argued that modern children waste time playing computer games and watching TV instead of having fun in traditional outdoor ways which could be beneficial for them. This essay agrees that outdoor activity is beneficial to young people. This essay will first look at how playing sports outside can improve the health of children, and then discuss how taking part in group activity without gadgets can improve the social skills of children.

Firstly, it is certain that physical activity makes people strong and healthy because they spend a lot of time in the fresh air and the effect from playing sports is the same as doing exercises. For example, in the September issue of the magazine “ChildCare” I saw an article that stated that children who play sports outdoor have less risk of being overweight. By way of contrast, young people who play computer games often have problems with their weight. Therefore, playing outdoor sports is better for children than playing computer games.

Secondly, taking part in traditional group activities encourages people to build and maintain relationships between people because they talking to each other and can see real emotions instead of digital symbols. For instance, the latest research published in “National Geographic” magazine shows us that 70 percent of modern children have problems in making new relationships in real life. And the main reason for this is that they spend a lot of time in front of computers instead of talking with real people. Taking part in outdoor activities can help children to communicate with other people. For this reason, spending time outdoors is more beneficial for young people then staying home.

To sum up, young people who spend time outside playing sports and taking part in group activities are more healthy and have better social skills than children who waste time playing computer games and other electronic entertainment. I agree that spending time outside is more beneficial for children.

323 words

And example 2….

It has been argued that children these days spend too much time indoors on electronic entertainment media and should instead partake in sports and traditional games in the outdoors. I agree with this statement and will argue that such activity will help prevent health issues in future life, and also that another benefit would be an increase in interpersonal social skills.

Firstly, playing games and exercising outdoors is of obvious benefit to anybody, especially children. In contrast, being sedentary while staring at a screen all day is likely to result in becoming overweight and other lifestyle diseases. For example, in the September 2016 edition of “Childcare” magazine it was reported that children who spend from one to three outdoors everyday have a 75% less chance of developing obesity in later life. The health benefits of taking part in outdoor activities are therefore obvious.

Another problem with playing games indoors instead of taking part in traditional games outside is that children may become socially isolated. That is, human contact helps build real emotional and interpersonal skills such as communication and empathy which cannot be learned electronically. For example, as “National Geographic” magazine points out in its recent research, over 70% of teenagers have reported difficulties with establishing new relationships at school and with other teenagers.

In conclusion, a childhood spent indoors staring at electronic devices is likely to lead to health issues in later life, and additionally may cause difficulties in forming real and meaningful relationships. It would be recommended therefore that parents should take steps to prevent this situation from happening in the first place.

265 words

As you see the second one has more variation in terms in language and is not so repetitive as the first, although the first example is not bad at all, just needs a little fine tuning.

Ok, that’s enough for now…any questions, etc…write to kevin@prepareielts.com

 

 

 

 

 

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