New essay sample:giving employers personal information…

discuss both views personal info pin.png

In this post I want to share an essay I just wrote (30 mins ago) in response to a student request for help on a Facebook group (IELTS Speaking Partners). As it’s a Sunday morning with nothing to do just yet, I thought I would respond and also share the resultant essay with you. The student was asking for ideas to answer this question..

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies or interests, or whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

As you see it is a discuss both views and give your opinion essay, so of course we need to give reasons and examples of both views. This was a little tricky to think up on the fly, but I came up with some reasonable ideas I think. What is interesting is the structure, I have revised my own idea about how this type of essay should be written. Previously I suggested that your opinion should come at the end of the essay but recently I have started including my opinion in the introduction in the outline sentence, and restated again in the conclusion. Another thing, I don’t think it really matters as long as your opinion is clearly understood whether you have a separate sentence for your opinion, or whether it it forms part of your outline sentence. Also, instead of a paraphrase sentence and a both view points sentence, you can combine them. So as you will see from the example below, we now have only two sentences in the introduction, instead of four distinct sentences. As I say, as long as everything is crystal clear to the reader, this in itself does not matter.

So, structure first…with two options for the introduction, you may find it easier to have four separate sentences or be able to combine them as I have done in the example.

Introduction 1

Sentence 1: Paraphrase/restate question

Sentence 2:  State both views

Sentence 2:  Thesis/opinion statement

Sentence 3: Outline sentence

Introduction 2

Sentence 1: Paraphrase question + state both points of view

Sentence 2: Thesis/opinion + outline (main ideas in brief)

Main Body Paragraph 1

Sentence 1: State first view

Sentence 2: explain first view

Sentence 3: Reason why you agree or disagree with view

Sentence 4: Example to support your view

Main Body Paragraph 2

Sentence 1: State second view

Sentence 2: Explain second view

Sentence 3: Reason why you agree or disagree with view

Sentence 4: Example to support your view

Conclusion 

Sentence 1: Summary + opinion


Example essay

It has been argued that employers asking potential employees to disclose personal information is a useful practice, while others would disagree. I believe this questioning is irrelevant, and this essay will discuss how some personal details may help to choose the right candidate, while conversely other more private information is no ones business.

Certain employers believe that knowledge of a candidates hobbies or leisure interests may help them choose an employee. This may be true in some areas of work, where matching the role of the company to the job seeker is important. I agree that if a candidates hobbies involved drinking or taking drugs then they might not be suitable to work at a bank or government office where discretion and sound, sober behaviour is vital. For example, it is common hiring practice for many US companies to scrutinize potential employees social media pages for evidence of insobriety and riotous behavior.

However, other information such as marital status or sexuality is not only irrelevant but intrusive. Whether married or single, gay or straight, or whatever a persons domestic arrangements might be is not the employers business. I strongly disapprove of such prying into peoples private lives which have no bearing on whether a person is capable of doing a particular job or not. For example, in the UK since 2011 it has been illegal to ask for marital status on job applications in all areas of business.

In conclusion, despite employers sometimes asking for this kind of information, whether it be to find the most appropriate candidate or is unnecessarily intrusive, my personal opinion is that all that matters when choosing an employee is their education and experience, nothing more.

281 words

So, that’s it, any questions you can write to me at the usual address kevin@prepareielts.com

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