Student Essay Assessment with Commentary and Example Essay..

IELTS sample essay

 

Hello, time for a new video and tutorial. This is a student essay which was sent to me on Facebook, and I offered to make a video and comment on it and here it is. As you will see, it is another “To what extent” essay, so without further ado, the files are below for your edification, and the video is at the bottom of the page. Any comments or questions, feel free to write to me at kevin@prepareielts.com.

Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Family is a simple word with vast meaning inside. It comprises of father mother & baby. Father literally the income source, hard working person, facing the hardship in outside an integral part of family. Whereas mother a homemaker, houseengeneer, a basket of love &emotion, a symbol of asthetic & pure love another integral part of family.

A family is nothing but a combination of fathers & mothers love, caring, sharing, respect & mutuality. Every single decision in family depends on both. Both of them has equal right to say yes or no. The decision to have a baby is a vital one. There should be no grey area. So, both should decide mutually. As respect & mutuality in decission worth happiness. When a baby comes, it imparts heavenly feelings, like an angle. The whole family becomes colourful within a moment. Smile begets smile.

But there is a bitter truth. Rearing baby is one of the toughest job. Both partners should be dedicated for 24*7 caring , maintaining. Now a days maintaining is costlier. So, parents should be mentally, physically, financially. So no one can make decision alone. Like everything else in life , our life should be upgraded. We cant update this from google. We have to update this from our views, values, sorrounding. Women are not lagging behind. They are at same pace. So their decision & importance are as same as men. This is very simple & easy, that father & mother are equally important as well as their decision.

So i believe a mutual & eminent decision will come out as a busket of love, as respect & mutuality in decision worth eternal


It can be argued that the fathers role should be recognised as equally as the role of the mother in parenthood, and that as women decide to have children or not makes them responsible for the child’s upbringing. I disagree with this idea and will argue that scientific evidence shows that children benefit from a stable environment with both parents present, and that in this modern age it is increasingly common for men to show responsibility for their children.

Firstly, although the decision to have a child may be the mothers, it can be said that a child will certainly benefit by having a fathers involvement. That is to say, all research into this subject in the field of sociology shows that a child with both parents in their lives will be more successful in school, and in later life. For example, a study by the University of Massachusetts in 2015 showed that over 85% of high school graduates in New York came from two parent families, and that over 60% of teen criminals came from single parent homes. Although very general, this research seems to suggest that having both parents in the family life is certainly beneficial.

Secondly, although in the recent past it was considered the norm for women to bring up their children while the father or husband went to work, this is by now an outdated notion. It has been seen that more men are taking time off work to help care for their children, some going as far as becoming “house-husbands”. For example, the US Dept of Employment reported that in 2016 the number of men requesting paternity leave had risen by over 50% over the last ten years. This would indicate that more men are actively embracing parenthood these days, as opposed to previous generations.

In conclusion, although women make the decision to have children, they do not have to be solely responsible for them. I believe that both parents are needed in family life for the welfare of the child, and that in fact more and more men are choosing to make the responsibility a joint effort.

354 words

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