Students essay assessment, how to get from band 7.0 to 8.0+

IELTS essay assessment from 7 to 8

In this video, I analyse a student essay (scored 7.0) and show how with a few minor tweaks it could score 8.0 or higher. The essay is not bad, but as you will see in the video, a little more focus on such things as an outline sentence, a clear opinion in the introduction, not wasting sentences saying the same thing, and having good and specific examples to back up the main ideas, these are what will get you a high score every time.

So, below you will find the student essay, the structure for your reference, and the essay examples I used. The video is at the bottom of the page. As always, any questions, or if you want your essay featured, you can write to me at kevin@prepareielts.com, anytime.


Some people believe that university graduates should pay the full cost of their education. Others say that university education should be free. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The question of whether to pay all the expenses incurred by the university authorities for the education they provide or not continues to be a controversial topic. Some people think that higher education pupils had better pay the full charge of their education. However, the issue is not entirely straightforward, and arguments can also be made against the idea. There are valid opinions on both sides, which will be considered now.

On the one hand, some people feel that education should be free of any charge. This, it is argued, would expand the opportunities for any individual, either poor or rich to have an equal chance at higher education. Furthermore, supporters of free education claim that the procedure would encourage talented, and at the same time underprivileged, students to pursue their tertiary education, which would increase equilibrium in university entries.

The other side of this debate is that one major benefit of paid education deals with the quality and standard of education. If the university authorities had not charged the educational graduates with required fees, the society would not have improved its academic and global ranking in terms of science, welfare and development. Furthermore, supporters of the current issue emphasize that education is a personal issue, which is often felt to be due to the fact that rich people give higher taxes. To illustrate, those people who are levied, have more right to education than those who do not pay far higher taxes.

Overall, it seems advisable that university education should not be free at all because its positive effect on society can be perceived in terms of pedagogical quality and tax-based fairness among different social strata. This is as long as access to education for all members of the society is maintained.

Word count: 292


Introduction 

Sentence 1- Paraphrase Question

Sentence 2- State Both Points of View

Sentence 2- Thesis Statement

Sentence 3- Outline Sentence

Main Body Paragraph 1

Sentence 1- State first viewpoint

Sentence 2- Discuss first viewpoint

Sentence 3- Reason why you agree or disagree with viewpoint

Sentence 4- Example to support your view

Main Body Paragraph 2

Sentence 1- State second viewpoint

Sentence 2- Discuss second viewpoint

Sentence 3- Reason why you agree or disagree with viewpoint

Sentence 4- Example to support your view

Conclusion 

Sentence 1- Summary

Sentence 2- State which one is better or more important


There has been a dramatic growth in the number of people studying at universities in the last few decades. While some people see this as a positive trend which raises the general level of education within the community, others fear that it is lowering the quality of education.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of the increase in student numbers at university?

The number of university students has dramatically increased in recent decades, some argue having more educated people is beneficial to the whole community while others are afraid this trend will lower educational quality. This essay will argue the main advantage of this increase is a more knowledgeable populace that will develop the economy, while the main disadvantage is the lowering of the value of a university degree.

Firstly, having more people graduate with university degrees is of obvious benefit to any community. It could be argued that a more educated citizenry will naturally lead to higher levels of innovation and productivity with consequent increases in the economy. For example, if we consider the situation in America, a recent survey by Harvard Business School indicated that over 80% of young people involved in startups and creating their own online businesses had at least a BA degree. The implication from this survey is that, in most cases, a high level of education seems to be the norm for most entrepreneurs.

However, a possible drawback to high graduate numbers could be the lessening of the value of a degree. If employers take education and a degree qualification as a measure of a persons suitability for employment, then if everyone has a degree, it would be difficult for a candidate to stand out. For example, a recent survey (2016) by the Employers Federation (UK) revealed that 80% of employers were now looking for other qualities in job candidates rather than a degree. If this is so, then high numbers of graduates will have no reason to have taken their degree in the first place.

In conclusion, as tertiary student numbers are growing, the benefits of education to the economy of this increase need to be considered in the light of a possible downgrading in status of such educations value in the job market.


Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe that there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It has been argued that the purpose of tertiary education is to assist graduates to obtain a better job, while others would argue that university education has a higher function in terms of usefulness to society and the individual alike. I believe that the benefits of attending university go beyond mere jobseeking and will consider how useful is a degree in finding employment, and the advantage of having a highly critical citizenry.

Firstly, one of the major selling points of a university degree is its advantage in the job market. As a degree is a sign of a good education as well as the transferable skills that a graduate learns while taking a degree, it is no surprise that employers value graduates. I would agree that as a general measure of intelligence a degree has some currency. For example, a recent survey by the CBI (Confederation of British Industry) showed that an increasing number of jobs, over 70% of office jobs, are now asking for a degree as a minimum qualification.

However, even though a degree may be important for a job, studying at university teaches many skills of use to wider society. It teaches critical thinking, the ability to analyse and synthesise information when writing an essay for example. I would suggest that citizens who enter society with the ability to analyse conflicting sources of information are best placed to make suitable decisions for themselves, when voting for political parties say. For example, a study by the University of Edinburgh showed that as many of 80% of new graduates considered themselves more likely to question what they read and see in the news than non-graduates.

In conclusion, despite the obvious benefit of a degree in the job market, I believe that the skills that may be learnt at university go beyond merely employment but offer the prospect of a well informed and critical citizenry that can think for themselves and make better choices for society.

326 words


 

 

 

 

Advertisements