IELTS task 2 assessment: five (sorry, 6) examples…:p

IELTS Essay Assessment

 

Hello again, in this post/video I have something new for you. I recently started teaching an online group of students from the same country who I met on Facebook. They were asking for a teacher to help them out with IELTS so I decided to give them a hand, with work being a bit scarce in summer as always. So, I decided to start with writing, and I set them a question and got five essays back. Interestingly, they were all roughly the same band 5.0 more or less, and what’s more they all made (grammar and vocab aside) the same mistakes or omissions.

That is to say, the introduction had a very general statement for the first sentence, there was not a clear opinion expressed, and no outline sentence. Also, in the body paragraphs, there were often no real examples, not a clear main idea, and often the conclusions included new information or didn’t summarise the rest of the essay.

I won’t say more about that here, as you can see it in the video above. what I will do is to post the essay below and the example I wrote for you to see/use/copy whatever. I hope you find it useful.

As always, any questions, you can write to me at kevin@prepareielts.com.


The essays…

“Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their children, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?”

The issue of goverment’s financial support for mothers to take care their childrend all time has generated a debate among the general public for some time already. Although I think that some mothers need to fund, I personally lean towards the viewpoint that most of mother want to work and raise their children with their husbands.

To begin with, educated women are aware of responsibility for upbringing their children belonging to both genders. They step out for working and earning money as well as their husbands. There is ample convincing evidence that children could more confident and sucessful when they are raised by both mothers and fathers. Therefore, it is better for women to share the child raising rather than spend most of their time for them. In modern life, there are numeruos women who have highly educated could achieve susccess in their careers such as politicians, sientists, businesswomen, etc. They could be completely financial independence, not depend on goverment.

Despite the possitives mentioned above, there are, however, equally strong arguement that some women should recieve finacial support by goverment. Alternatives have difficult situations such as single moms, widows, divorced or disabled people who may not have well educated and have a slim chance for finding a job, especially in the rural regions. They could not earn enough money for cover their life and bringup their children, so that goverment should help them finacially.

In conclution, it is understandable that goverment should support some special mothers to raise their children, but in my opinion, most of women do not expect this.

261 words


“Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their children, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?”

There is the fact that child raising is a particular important work of every woman, especialy the mothers who have new born baby (less than 6 months for example). Therefore, I think these mothers should be supported by their companies or the government.

As my own expearences when I have become the two babies’ mother, new born babies have some problems that might be dangerous for them if they are not taken care carefully by their mothers. Besides, the WTO always advice all woman to raise their children by herself milk as soon and long as possible. However, It is quite uncomfortable for women to have to go for work and take care their baby at the same time, unless all her work can be done online. Moreover, some mothers also become despressed after having baby, in this case, she needs more relaxing and longer time to become better . Although, both of babies and mothers need money to by the crusial goods for their growing proced and life. That are the reasons why I think government should support them.

In contract, few women who have good educated and strong health tend to comback their offices earlier so they don’t need helping any more. Those mothers also think that, their children might be more indipendent and grow up quickly with out mother facing all day.

To conclution, I agree that the government should use a part of National budget to support mothers in the period but don’t need more than 12 months after she has baby.

256 words


“Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their children, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?”

I believe that not only mothers plays a vital role in child development but also fathers. Because the mindsets & the characteristics were created in the childhood time. Beside that the goverment should Provide financial support for some difficult situation. I disagree with this opinion for two reason.

First, nowaday people spend most of day time in their workplace. In the night time they still have work to do and they dont have time with their children.  I can honestly say that I would not be where I am today without my parents. since the parents is the one set a foudantion. children must to be loved and intrusted by their parents in the development of their aware, physical and emotional well-being.

On the other hand, the people can have a job and they can look afrer their children. If in the difficult situation, the children should be taken care of the relatives or family members. The government no need to focus on basic needs like food, accommodation. instead of provide finance for the parent, the govorment should spend money to develop the country. That is the way to increase independence for citizen.

In conclution, the goverment should support some special family to take care of their children.

208 words


“Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their children, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?”

From past to present, the role of women in the family is undeniable. They take care of all the members, from the youngest to the oldest, especially their children. Accordingly, some people think that Goverments should support them financially. I extremely agree with this notion that subsidize mothers by providing some funds monthly.

To the best of my knowledge, the future of the world rests largely in the hands of the generation we are rearing. Once a child is born, it becomes national property. Mothers are the front line child care providers and therefore, if they are supported by the government they can do their job better. For example, In most Indian homes, the mother’s salary is necessary to support the family. So, if the mother does not get a paid from Goverment, she has to go back to job earlier and this affects the childcare.

Secondly, gone are those days, the proportion of widowed or divorced mother has increased. Therefore, they particularly need financial help. The situation would be worse in some rural areas which are not developed, women still take up only the role of mothers. They may not be well educated and so that cannot support their children, even themselves. They cannot go for a full time work because they have to spend more time to grow up their children. So If the Government give them a hand financially, their burden will decrese.

Finally, if women are supported by the government, they can look after their health. Proper education, enough employment opportunities, food security and affordable medical care are some of the contributory factors that the government can provide to make women healthy. Needless to say, there should be enough provision for all these in a society that expects to be healthy today and tomorrow. It is known that women play the most crucial role in managing the health of the family. And healthy families contribute greatly to social welfare.

In conclution, mothers need funds to raise up their children and devote more time for them. It is the responsibility of the family member or herself to look after financially.

353 words


“Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their children, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?”

Lifestyle has undergone dramatic changes over couple of decades. Presently, both genders have to step out for work to earn money to manage their daily living. It is argued that mothers should be at home to look after family and therefore supported financially by government. I completely disagree with this point of view………….

Firstly, role of genders in today’s society has been considered equally. In the past, it was not deniable that mothers, especially in some Asia nations, just stayed at home and took care of their childs and did housechores. In today’s modern world, however, not only are men as breadwinners, but women, our mothers, also can certainly be when those mothers who are highly educated and work sucessfully in many different fields Therefore, it is essential for females to rub shoulder with man in every walk of life to bring equality and boost self esteem especially in male domineering societies.

Furthermore, governments should not take responsibility for funding financially to mothers who look after their own children because it is a personal issue. In every country, the government has to plan the best stratergies to develop their own nation and spend a hefty amount of money to offer all people with optimum education, transportation, health services and boost to develop nation’s economics. In each family unit, hence, both men and women should take equal responsibility, make a balance between work and family, share their time to each other so that they can work well in society and take care of their babies at home as well. As a result, family bond definitely become more and more closed-knit when all members care and love each other.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that the revolutionized and modern world has remarkably changed the role of most women in society. Some other alternatives, however, can be carried out instead of binding them with home responsibilities only.

341 words


“Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their children, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?”

Nowadays, women (mother) play important role in many families. However, whether mothers should spend most of their time raising their children and therefore the government should support them financially is a controversial issue. This essay will give an insight into the situation.

On the one hand, when women go on a long leave, they need to be paid without working and spend time to take care their children. The maternity leave is from four to six months. Because children need using mother-milk in 6 months to growth and have good heath. In Vietnamese, all mothers have six months for maternity leave and all that time, the have maternity benefit. It is six- month- salary from society safety. Besides, mothers still need time to take care themselves after their babies were born. So I think the government should support them financially and their families should sharing them to take care children.

On the other hand, some mothers have best knowledge, best skills and experiences, especially good heath, they tend to come back working early, maybe after from two to four months born their babies. So they do not need helpful, supporting by government about financially, I think they need their families, especial their husbands, their mothers or their mothers help them take care their children.

To sum up, from my perspective, I think government should use nation budget to support for women in maternity leave. It can be salary or time for they look after their children (maybe six to nice months – salary and time for maternity leave). And women can do mothers, raising children better. Because if children have good heath, mothers can do work better. Last but not least, their companies should help them when they come back to work.

291 words


Essay example

“Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their children, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?”

It is believed by some that governments should give financial support to mothers to help them in child raising. I disagree with this view and will argue that, having children is a choice which one should be prepared to pay for, and that other help is available such as from family members.

Firstly, having a child is a lifestyle choice these days. That is to say, contraception is freely available and in general, no one need have children if they do not really want them. If this is so, then it is up to the parents to pay for their child, if you can’t afford to have kids, then you should not do so. For example, a survey by The Guardian newspaper in 2016 showed that 80% of people objected to taxpayers money being spent on other people’s children.

Also, it is unrealistic and perhaps old fashioned these days to suggest that a mothers role is only in the home looking after children. Many women can and do choose to work and have help from their husband and family, such as grandparents, to help raise their offspring. Research by the W.H.O shows that in many families around the world, grandparents shoulder an equal part of the duties of child care. This shows that, although there are exceptions of course, there is no need for state handouts for every woman who has a baby.

In conclusion, despite some people believing that state support is necessary for stay at home mothers, I would argue that anyone who is mature enough to have children should be able to pay for their upbringing themselves, and that family members such as grandparents can and should help their daughters instead of getting money from the government.

290 words

 

 

 

 

 

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