Avoiding confusion in writing a task 2 essay…

avoiding confusion in writing a task 2 essay

 

In this video I want to take a look at how to avoid confusing the reader with contradictory paragraphs and structure. You will note how the last three videos have all had some element of this inappropriate use of structure for the question type, in fact it is one of the most common mistakes for the uninitiated in the IELTS way of writing. What this student essay does also is to express contradictory opinions, and write a discuss both views style answer for a “To what extent” question. As you will see from the video, this leads the examiner/reader somewhat confused.

So check it out, read the student essay and the sample answer below and if you have any questions, you can write to me at kevin@prepareielts.com.


We are becoming more and more dependent on machines to function in the modern world. Some people think that is a very negative development.

To what extend do you agree or disagree?


Student Essay

A majority number of people stated that machines played incredible roles in our lives, and we are taking advantage of them to work more productively. Therefore, I absolutely disagree with people who consider machine development as a negative development.

One of the biggest drawbacks of machine development is that people tend to become lazier to brainstorm original ideas. Apparently, instead of creating new products, people would like to make use of available items. Take doing homework for instance, students have a tendency to surf on the internet to find out the answers rather than doing by themselves. Another drawback of machine development is that people seriously lack basic survived skills. It is likely that people are able to do navigate anywhere without directions from the smartphone applications like GoogleMap.

Despite these drawbacks, we can not deny that update machine has considerable benefits for our lives. When it comes to medical treatment, doctors apparently make use of modern computers to not only keep track of patient’s medical history but also cope with complicated surgeries. There is also some truth in the view that modern machine allows us to explore extraordinary things like figuring out the presence of water on the moon. It is likely that we could not investigate those severe environments without satellite, since human specific health conditions.

On balance, it is obvious that machines appear in all aspects of our lives. However, whether modern machines have benefits or not that depends on our way we use them.

248 words


Sample essay

It has been argued that we are depending increasingly upon machines to function in today’s world. Some believe that this is a negative development. I agree with the statement and will argue that, relying on computer controlled devices is putting lives at risk, and that by doing so we are losing touch with our natural mental abilities.

Firstly, many machines and devices are controlled by computer chips these days. Virtually every machine from a car to a washing machine, to a hospital ventilator has a microchip which controls its function. However, as we have seen in recent events, it is possible for hackers to take control of such devices and threaten to harm people unless a ransom is paid. For example, in the UK this year the NHS (National Health Service) computers were hacked by criminals who demanded a large ransom for not turning off hospital ventilators and killing sick patients.

Also, by relying too much on machines for even the simplest of functions we are in danger of intellectual retardation. That is to say, by not using our brains for the simplest of tasks, such as calculating, reading a map, using Google instead of our memory, we are turning back the evolutionary process and becoming stupider as a species. For example, recent research by the University of London showed that 85% of drivers admitted to using their sat nav device for driving around in their home town to places they have been to before.

In conclusion, this dependence on mechanical devices for our every task is certainly a retrograde step in human history. I believe that this over-reliance on computers is putting lives at risk and is in serious danger of making us mentally irrelevant as a species.

288 words

Advertisements