The importance of using an appropriate structure in IELTS essay writing

the importance of structure in essay writing (1)

 

In this video I talk about the importance of using the appropriate structure when answering a task 2 essay question. Time and time again, everyday in fact, I get student essays whose grammar and vocab are good, and their cohesion and coherence also, but they have used the wrong structure for the question and as a consequence their task response score will be low.

Take this essay as an example, the question asks “To what extent do you agree or disagree?”, however, the author has written it as a discussion essay which is not what is required. As I say over and over again, give the examiner what they want, and nothing more. If it says “do you agree or disagree?”, then choose a side and give two reasons for your choice, no need to look at both sides or write a balanced essay for this particular task.

So, have a look at the video and if you have any questions, you can write to me at kevin@prepareielts.com. I will copy the texts below for your information.


The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Student Essay

This question generates a lot of debate because looking after children is not an easy task. It requires a lot of effort and patience. Changing diapers, feeding and cleaning up after them, dealing with their emotional needs, and putting them to sleep are all examples of challenging and demanding tasks; continue doing them every day might be overwhelming if no help was offered. Based on my humble experience and knowledge, I believe raising children should be divided in a way that suits the schedule and ability of each parent.

Some parents lack understanding of the full picture of what parenting means. As a result, they decide their role without discussing it with each other. For example, the father decides that he will take care of the financial needs and the other chooses to take care of the children physically. Although this way of thinking is common, yet it shows little awareness of what happens in real life. There will be times where the mother feels overwhelmed of taking care of the children and feels that she needs a break. When this happens, the father should take the role of helping his wife and do his part of looking after their offspring. Instead, these types of parents will not help each other and often have the manner of “I have done my part” which creates an unbalanced scale of accountability.

On the other hand, there are parents who have a clear picture and full awareness of the responsibility toward rearing children. From the beginning, they set an agreement to work with each other regarding what is best for the children. They set a clear picture of what each can offer to their children and fulfill their responsibility in a positive manner. They will cover each other’s back; if one of the partners could not fulfill a duty for whatever reason, the other will fulfill it without being asked to do so. To be more specific, if the father comes back from work and noticed that his wife is tired and needs rest, he immediately takes her role and does what is needed. They know it is a duty that comes along with the journey; as a result, parenting becomes less challenging and more pleasant.

In conclusion, parenting should be a shared responsibility between both parents with the consideration of the schedule and needs of each partner.

395 words


Sample Essay

It has been said that both parents should have an equal share in the raising of their children. I totally agree with this view, and will argue that it is unreasonable in this day and age to expect the mother to raise the children alone, and also that with the rise in house-husbandry and paternal leave it is easier than before for men to take their share of this responsibility.

Firstly, the idea that only women should raise children is out of date. That is to say, although in the past this was the norm, in today’s modern world with more women in the workplace and taking on more roles previously occupied by men, it is unreasonable to expect them to remain in the home child-raising. For example, a recent survey by the UK Dept of Employment showed that over 50% of new mothers intended to return to work after having a baby. This research suggests that, like it or not, the attitude of women themselves is changing about traditional familial roles.

Also, in many countries it is becoming easier for men to take on their share of childcare. That is, many governments have added paternal leave to the legal requirements of a company, and this has made it more socially acceptable for men to take time from the workplace to stay at home with the children. For example, in the UK recently, a new law was passed making it obligatory for a company with over fifty employees to offer up to 3 months paternity leave to its employees. As a consequence of this new legal and societal attitude, more and more men are supporting their wives and sharing equally in the joys of parenthood.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that the duties of raising children need and ought to be shared jointly between both parents. The increasing number of women in the workplace and the changing in societal norms, along with the change in men’s working practices means that both sexes now have an equal chance to share child raising responsibility.

342 words


 

Advertisements